Before We Fall Apart — Group Conflict-Preparedness Studio

Repair before you rupture

Most groups only learn how to handle conflict during a crisis — when trust is already thin, adrenaline is high, and nobody remembers what they agreed. This studio flips that. It is a calm-weather practice: you build your repair capacity before you need it, together, and write it down as a shared relational charter you can return to.

Everything here stays in your browser. Your agreements, tripwires, protocol and pods are saved only in this device's local storage — nothing is uploaded, sent, or shared anywhere. Export or print the charter to keep a copy or share it with your group on your own terms.

What is a relational charter?

A relational charter is a short, living agreement a group writes about how it wants to be together when things get hard — not a code of conduct imposed from above, but a set of commitments the group makes to itself. It names how you'll speak, what each person needs to stay in the room, the signal you'll use to pause, and the steps you'll take to repair harm rather than punish people. Like any charter, it works because you wrote it before you needed it, and because everyone had a hand in it.

Why build the capacity in advance?

Conflict is not the failure — unrepaired rupture is. Every close group will hurt each other eventually. What separates groups that survive it is whether they built a way back before they needed one.
In crisis, capacity shrinks. When we're activated, we default to fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Agreements made calmly become the scaffolding we lean on when we can't think clearly.
Prevention surfaces needs early. Naming your tripwires and needs before they're stepped on turns invisible landmines into shared knowledge.
It distributes the work. Repair shouldn't rest on whoever is most hurt or least powerful. Doing this together spreads the responsibility across the group.

Grounded in three traditions

This studio is the capstone practicum for Nonviolence in Practice: Communication, Resistance & Repair. It draws the three traditions of that flagship into one concrete artefact your group can keep.

Nonviolent Communication

Marshall Rosenberg

Feelings are signals of universal needs. Naming the need beneath a tripwire — before it's triggered — lets the group meet each other with empathy instead of blame. Your Tripwires & needs tab is built on this.

New Authority & Presence

Haim Omer

Strength without aggression: steady, non-escalating presence, refusing to fight and refusing to give in, supported by a network rather than a lone hero. Your agreed pause signal, cool-down norms and support pods carry this.

Restorative & Transformative Justice

Repair, not retribution

When harm happens, the question is not “what rule was broken” but “who was hurt, what do they need, and whose obligation is it to repair?” Your rupture→repair protocol and accountability pods live here.

How to use this studio together

This works best done as a group, out loud, not filled in alone. Set aside roughly 90 minutes with your team, collective, friend-group or organisation. One person can drive this screen while the group discusses; export the charter at the end and each person keeps a copy.

0–10 minOpen. Read “Why prepare” aloud. Agree you're doing this in calm weather, not to settle a live fight.
10–30 minShared agreements. Move through the presets together; keep only what everyone can genuinely stand behind. Add your own.
30–55 minTripwires & needs. Go around the group. Each person names one tripwire and the need beneath it. Listen without fixing.
55–75 minRupture → repair & pods. Agree your pause signal, cool-down and repair steps. Each person names their accountability and support pods.
75–90 minCharter & close. Name and date the charter, read it back, export it. Agree when you'll revisit it (a good default: every few months).

A studio, not a substitute. This is a learning and preparation tool. It is not therapy, legal advice, or a crisis response. Where there is ongoing abuse, coercion or danger, safety and specialist support come first — a charter is for the ordinary ruptures of group life, not for containing harm that needs outside help. Practice guidance

Shared agreements

These are the commitments your group makes to itself about how you'll be together. Tap the ones everyone can genuinely stand behind — discuss the ones you're unsure about — and add your own. Only keep what the whole group can commit to; an agreement nobody honours is worse than none.

Choose consciously. Read each one aloud and ask: “Can we all actually do this?” It's fine to reword or reject a preset. The point is a small set of living agreements, not a long list of good intentions.

Preset commitments

Our shared agreements

Nothing chosen yet — tap the commitments above that your group can stand behind.

Tripwires & needs

A tripwire is what makes you shut down, go silent, or feel unsafe — the thing that, when it happens, takes you out of the conversation. Underneath every tripwire is an unmet need. Naming both, in calm weather, means the group can recognise a tripwire before it becomes a rupture, and knows what you actually need in that moment.

Go around the group. Each person adds a row: name one tripwire in plain words, then tap the universal need beneath it. Listen without fixing or debating — you're building a shared map, not solving anything yet. Needs are universal; only the strategies to meet them differ.

Rupture → repair protocol

This is the ladder your group agrees to in advance: what you'll do when a tripwire is hit, how you'll cool down, who holds space, and the steps you'll follow to repair. The fields below are pre-filled with a sensible starting ladder — treat it as a template and rewrite every line in your own words. Editable template

Agree it calm, use it hot. When a rupture happens, nobody has the bandwidth to invent a process. A protocol you wrote together, in advance, is something you can lean on when you can't think clearly.

1 · Pause Our agreed pause signal

A word or gesture anyone can use to stop the conversation — no justification required.

2 · Name the harm How we name harm (script starter)

A sentence stem that makes it easier to raise something that landed hard, focused on impact rather than accusation.

3 · Cool down Cool-down norms

How long we step back, and how we signal we're ready to come back. Long enough to settle, not so long it festers.

4 · Hold space Who facilitates a repair conversation

Who holds space so it isn't left to the most-hurt or least-powerful person. Someone without a stake in the outcome.

5 · Repair The repair steps we'll follow

The restorative arc: acknowledge impact → make meaning together → make amends → change what we do.

6 · Escalate When we bring in a third party or pod

The threshold at which we stop trying to handle it just between us — safety, power, or repeated stuck conversations.

Accountability pods

A pod is the small handful of people you'd turn to around harm — a concept from transformative-justice organising. Each person names two: the people who help them stay accountable when they've caused harm, and the people who help them stay resourced when they've been harmed. Naming them now means nobody has to figure out who to call in the middle of a crisis.

Pods are relationships, not roles. Your accountability pod are the people who care about you enough to tell you the truth and stay with you while you make repair — not to shame you, and not to defend you no matter what. Your support pod are the people who help you feel steady and less alone when you've been hurt. They can overlap, and it's fine to have just one or two names.

Your relational charter

Everything you've built, assembled into one shared charter. Name and date it, read it back to the group, then save, export or print it. Revisit it every few months — a charter is a living document, not a monument.

Group / team name

Date agreed

Want the facilitated version? This studio is inspired by Alternative Justice's Before We Fall Apart — a 12-month transformative-justice program that helps groups build repair capacity with skilled facilitators over time. If your group wants deeper, guided accompaniment, explore their program at alternativejustice.org/before-we-fall-apart. Think of this lab as a self-guided complement, not a replacement.

You built a way back

The measure of a group isn't whether it fights — it's whether it knows the way home afterwards. Keep this charter close, and return to it before you need it.

Relational charter Repair before rupture Accountability pods Nonviolence in Practice

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